5 things I hate about you

Well, living in Belgium is fun, but it's not home. And often, it's the really small things that grate on you. In the interests of maintaining my sanity, here are the 5 things that really, really, make me blow my top.

5. Bakeries: In a country that has more bakeries per capita than any other country I have ever seen (and yes, this includes France), I can find baguettes, scones, pastries, mitraillettes, pistolets and loaves. Of course, as I general rule (except for baguettes), I don't eat any of those things. What I can't find are bagels. Or tortilla shells. Or hamburger buns. Or pizza shells. I mean, I can understand the tortilla shells, but what's with the complete lack of pizza shells? How am I supposed to make my pizza pie?

4. Banks: Note: nothing I write here detracts from the fact that Canadian banks are inefficient, lazy, evil corporations who are willing to charge you merely for walking through their doors. However, in terms of sheers evilness, Belgian banks have them beat hands downs. Not only do they open at 10 and close at 4, but they are closed for two hours during lunch. In other words, they are closed during the period where 90% of the people I know do their banking. If that wasn't evil enough:

Me: "I would like to cash in some travellers' cheques"
Teller: "I'm sorry, we don't do that at this branch"
Me: "But..., but..., I've been to this branch before, and they cashed in my travellers' cheques."
Teller: "Well, back in July, the bank's policy changed and we no longer cash people's travellers' cheques."
Me: "I came in September"
Teller: "Go away"

3. ATMs: Belgian ATMs are filled once a week, on Tuesdays, and then only with a fraction of the money that is necessary to last the week. On statistical analysis, ATMs are empty about 33% of the time. From a statistical point of view, this means that on occasion (especially on Sundays and Mondays), you will have to hit up three or four ATMs before you find one with money. Businesses do not have ATMs. Only banks have ATMs, and then, only occasionally, and sometimes, these ATMs will not be accessible unless the bank is open (see no. 4). Since on Sundays you must hit three or more ATMs to find one with money in it, there is a very real possibility that you will have to spend 2 or more hours, and cross three districts in order to get the money to pay for groceries.

2. Bureaucracy: As an exchange student, I want to set up the date for my oral exam with my professor so that I know when to purchase my return ticket to Canada. I dutifully go up to the professor at the end of the class and ask him whether we can schedule an oral exam. He tells me that he is not responsible for scheduling, and directs me to his teaching assistant. I e-mail the teaching assistant, and she tells me she doesn't have the authority to fix exam dates. She sends me to the secretary of the faculty of law. The secretary of the faculty of law tells me that there is a special secretary charged with fixing the exams dates of all the students. But she is on vacation for a week. The special secretary, upon finding out that I am an exchange student says that exchange students are outside her purview, and that I should talk to the secretary responsible for exchanges. The secretary responsible for exchanges says that she is very sorry, but she doesn't have the jurisdiction to fix my exam schedule, but if I talk to the professor, she's sure that he will be able to arrange something.

1. I lied. There are only four things that really, really annoy me about Belgium.

Things I like about Belgium:

5. Bakeries: they are both on my hate list and my love list. I hate the fact that I can't get bagels or pizza shells, but they sell incredible sandwiches for 3 euros.

4. Arab shops: There is a lot of hostility towards Arabs in Belgium. And in France. And in the Netherlands. I could never understand it. The Arab shops in my area are cheap (I buy 5 euro donair and chips on a regular basis), friendly, and actually open past 6 o'clock at night. If it weren't for them, I'd been starving, paying too much for groceries, and be forced to interact with actual Belgians. Plus, the Lebanese bakery down the street makes a Moroccan bread that can be used as a pizza shell in a pinch (of course, I don't tell the baker that).

3. Fries, mussels and beer: Hence the name of the site. There is a bistro near the university. First time I went, I bought a snack size portion of mussels with fries. Their "snack-size portion" was the equivalent of a full-meal for a healthy Canadian male.

2. Chocolate: I'm not a chocolate connaisseur. In fact, back home, I barely touch the stuff. Here, it's expensive, sure, but cheaper than Canada, and it's pretty cool when you are invited somewhere to buy some chocolates for the hostess.

1. Insane Belgians: Yup, I have to say that the highlight of my stay was going to Belgian TDs. A party where everyone dresses up in their worst clothes, goes to a hall that looks like a warehouse, and drinks to excess. But what really makes the TDs special is that the people drink half their beer, than throw it into the crowd, plastic cup and all. By the end of the evening, everyone is soaked in beer. Childish and immature, sure, but I have yet to discover a better way of blowing off steam.

Praha-hahaha

Whatcha gonna do when it's Christmastime in Europe and your family is in North America, getting together, singing carols, opening presents, and in general, hopelessly embarrassing each other? Well, I still had some family in Belgium (see "Un Souper de Famille") and of course, the friends I had made on exchange (who shall remain nameless unless they have sufficiently interesting stories in their own right to be posted) however, why spend Christmas with friends and family when you can spend it with complete strangers? OK, so it doesn't sound that great when put like that. However, I had wanderlust in my veins, and sufficient money in my account, so I bought a third class bus ticket to Prague (Praha to locals) and spent the 11 hours on the bus to get to the Czech Republic.

According to the Czech Museum of Communism, the Czech republic is a country that has come to grips with its Communist past and completed its transformation to a capitalist economy as the way of the future. As a general rule, I am skeptical as to what museums tell me, but the fact remains that the Czech Museum of Communism was inside a casino, with doormen and valet parking, so I guess I can trust this. As a matter of fact, Prague had about as many casinos as Seattle has Starbucks, which made me kind of leery about entering any of them. Who knows how regulated they were? I wouldn't want to lose my hard-earned money on a crooked blackjack game.

As usual, I was staying at the youth hostel. There were quite an eclectic bunch there over Christmas: Aussies (of course), Americans (one or two), Chileans, Argentinians, Brazilians, French and even a couple of Canadians. Consequently, most conversation took place in English, French or Spanish, and my services as a translator were in great demand. On the other hand, while I was a party to most conversations, I didn't participate in most, since I was too busy trying to remember what catarrho meant in English.

In short, I had a great time. A bunch of us went out to a bar on Christmas Eve. It was kind of depressing to see how many locals didn't have anywhere else to go on Christmas, but we made the most of it. To be precise, we made the most of the fact that beer retails at 1 euro a pint. I lasted until about 1, at which point the haze of smoke was far too much for my eyes, and returned to the hostel with two girls from Normandy.

We went out a couple of times all together. I organised a foray to the largest nightclub in Eastern Europe that was a smashing success. It was five floors of rockin' on with 3 separate nightclubs inside. One specialised in pop, the second in techno and the third in oldies. I was surprised how full the nightclub that specialised in oldies was, but I danced the night away to "Rockin' Robin" and "Rock around the Clock". Lest my reputation as a hipster suffer, I also spent quite some time on the techno level, but that was mostly because there was a cute Australian. I danced with her until her rather large, evil-looking boyfriend threatened to pound me, and then I beat a hasty retreat.

Prague was incredible. I did all the regular touristy things, the art gallery, the castle, the historic squares, the Christmas market, the Jewish ghetto tour. Overall, I have to signal a couple of things: most people spoke English, ATMs were plentiful (unlike in Belgium), food and gifts were extremely cheap (3 course meals at good restaurants for 5 euros) and everyone was extremely nice. It was a wonderful Christmas.