Heren und Herring (Leiden)

I just spent this past weekend visiting Leiden in the Netherlands. Actually, I had intended to visit Leiden and see Joy, but, given that Leiden is a small town, similar to Sackville, NB, but with windmills, I ended up visiting Joy and seeing Leiden (and even then, only an a background to whatever we were doing). Unfortunately, though a record of my conversations of Joy would be of narrow interest to a few people (academics of Canadian culture at the beginning of the 21st century come to mind), I must concede that although we had frank discussions about such taboo subjects as sex, death, suicide and Belgian chocolates, the world at large, and my audience in particular, would probably be more interested in any hapless adventures that I might have had (the more painful and humiliating the better) than discussing my Zeitgeist. For those who are in fact interested in both our meandering conversations on existence and bizarre comical mishaps, might I suggest renting one of the videos by the delightful Woody Allan?

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So, to summarize, the weekend consisted mostly of our talking and I had a best time I've had in a while (at least a week! See "Un souper en famille"). Despite that, there was quite a bit going on during my visit to Leiden. It was the hutspot (pronounced "chutzpah") a festival extending from one end to the other of Leiden celebrating a gluttonous orphan. Actually, it celebrated the lifting of the Siege of Leiden after a hard winter, when the overflowing of the river caused the Spanish troops to withdraw (the Dutch call it "a great victory", the Spanish call it "bloody cheating"; or at least they would, if they spoke with an English accent). I'm pretty sure a gluttonous orphan was involved somehow, but I was pretty drunk when was told. Maybe the victorious Dutch ate him, I don't know. Which just goes to show you that history is written by the victors, not by the poor cannibalized gluttonous orphans.

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For the party, Leiden was transformed overnight from a small, sleepy little town to a small, sleepy little town with a large carnival in the middle of it. However, everyone loves the carnival, even people, who shall remain nameless, and who refused to go on the merry-go-round with me (This means you!!!). Hanging out around the carnival was fun in itself, and the roads were thronging with people watching the sights, buying cotton candy and beer at the stands, and going on rides.

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Joy and I partook in many of the traditional hutspot festivities. We ate broiled beef with mashed potatoes and cabbage. I bought stroopwafels from a sidewalk vendor because I thought the name was funny. Mmmmm......stroopwafels.... I even bought a raw herring from the herring man (or herring heren as they are called in Dutch) and tossed back my head and ate it. Of course, afterwards I felt vaguely like a seal. It didn't help that Joy asked me to balance a ball on my nose.

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Later on, we passed a sidewalk vendor selling small decorative tomatoes. My, these customs are getting weird, I thought. But I bought some anyway and we shared them among all the people out (Joy, Iyla, Tim, Oscar and a couple of guys whose name I can't pronounce). The people smiled when I gave them the tomatoes, took a friendly bite out of them and gagged when they realized the tomatoes weren't edible. And I laughed and ate one as well. Because we were laid back, and it was the Netherlands and it was hutspot. Because the Netherlands is just the sort of laid back place where you can laugh and then cannibalize a poor gluttonous orphan.

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Anyway, the morning that I left, there were fireworks, and songs, in particular the Dutch national anthem ("The hiiiilllls are alive....with the sound of ...... wait a second, my editor has just informed me that this song is not the Dutch national anthem. It is, in fact, the Austrian national anthem). Anyway, they were singing cheery songs. They were also waiting outside City Hall for their free hutspot herring.

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As I left Leiden on that early, misty morning, I reflected on all I had learned on my trip to Leiden. Yes, toothpaste will not wash out the taste of herring from your mouth.